is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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