Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
