Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
