4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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