yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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