I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
