Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
