david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
