She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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