Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
