I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
