I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
