Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
