if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
