I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
