It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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