My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
