he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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