oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
