your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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