I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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