i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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