Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize