i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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