That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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