he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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