how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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