i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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