I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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