She just used a chaser for red wine.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize