it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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