Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
