i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize