the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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