that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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