we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
