I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
