Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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