i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm like, not good at living.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
