Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
