If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
