she woke up with a sticky ear
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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