I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
