I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
