my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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