Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
