If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
