ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
