After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
