I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
