I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
