Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize