god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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