I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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