Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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