I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
