You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
