Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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