Welp...herpes.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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