so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
