I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
