playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
zippers are such a cool invention
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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