Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
