I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
