She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
