i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
