i was born a porn star she said
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
