I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
