What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
