she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
