I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
