dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize