were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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