Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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