I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I know her cup size but not her name....
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