Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
