worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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