so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
