Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
