So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize