ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
