I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i out mim tonsoeep
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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