I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize