I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
