Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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