Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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