Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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