she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
