dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
