i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize