actually, I'm a sock model
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
this is an emotional support booty call
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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