So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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