ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
