hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just googled if crying burns calories
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
