Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
