I am in a vortex of obligation.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize