K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you traded sex for a burrito?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
