I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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