Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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