this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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