you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The air was thick with penises
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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