These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
