Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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