So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
